Crocs might be a crime against fashion, but don’t go trying to fix the world by eating them.

After more than a decade-and-a-half of rumours the foam footwear is edible, the company has clarified while that might be technically true, anyone who tries is in for a bad time. 

“We have a very straightforward stance on this topic,” spokesperson Melissa Layton told Vice this week. “Regardless of the material makeup, for no reason do we recommend eating Crocs shoes. They are for wearing purposes only.”

The previous recipe used to make Crocs reportedly contained traces of a carcinogen, formamide, but since 2021 they’ve been mostly made of feedstock and a straw derivative. 

In 2016 a blogger boiled theirs and carved it “like a perfectly cooked ham”. While it “did not look edible”, Gunnar Lundberg said with some sriracha sauce, it was… kind of.

“The small piece of foam sat in my oesophagus for what seemed like hours, and I could feel it uncomfortably lingering whenever I swallowed… If you’ve ever stranded on a deserted island with a friend and Crocs appear to be your only food source, take my advice – eat your friend before you eat your Crocs.”

A dietician told Vice while it might not be “toxic”, eating one could result in constipation, its opposite diarrhoea, or blocked intestines, since the body can’t really digest it.

“If you’re stranded in the woods, you’re better off using those Crocs as a weapon to catch something you can actually eat,” said Abbey Sharp.